


deep breaths

by tgxiic (Gh0stPr1nc3), umspencer



Category: Youtube RPF
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 14:10:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6707422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gh0stPr1nc3/pseuds/tgxiic, https://archiveofourown.org/users/umspencer/pseuds/umspencer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack has an anxiety attack at one of the panels he's at with a bunch of other YouTuber's and friends and Mark is there to calm him down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	deep breaths

**Author's Note:**

> find me at:
> 
> tumblr / instagram: @tgxic  
> kik / wattpad: @tgxiic
> 
> you can send me prompt requests on my tumblr :)

Jack hadn't expected it to happen, especially at a panel where he was the happiest. I mean, who wouldn't love to meet their fans and make their day as well as your own? Then again, he never really knew when an attack would be sure to come. Sometimes, he would feel a light pressure in his chest and it'd slowly build up to his throat, nausea settling into his stomach as the pressure became worse and worse as the days passed by. Until, finally, it went away and it was just a false alarm, or he had an anxiety attack. 

His last attack, he had been lucky to be living with Mark now. The other YouTuber was warned about his attacks before he decided to move into America with him. Which Jack was glad he had done when he actually did have an attack around Mark for the first time. If he hadn't told him, would he have been able to figure it out regardless and calm him down or would he have panicked and not known what to do? Thank god it wasn't the ladder.

As of now, they were all doing a panel in Texas, the biggest part of Jack's career so far since he's just hit 9 million subscribers.

"Is everybody having a great time?" Mark asked the swarm of thousands of fans out in the crowd, getting a loud answer of 'yes'; smiling from ear to ear at all their fans. 

They'd already been here for two hours, though it felt longer with all the questions and screaming fans. They didn't mind, they loved their fans, but they should be getting ready to wrap this up for the night until the next and last show tomorrow. 

Before he could tell Mark it was nearly time to go, he zones out a bit, he's been doing it a lot lately actually; his focus on the crowd. He sees some of the fans in the very front row smile at him and the rest of the YouTuber's onstage with him. Others are giving him curious and worried glances, whispering to the people beside them in what he assumes is about him. But why? What's wrong? Did he do something wrong?

Suddenly, he's aware of everything, how Marzia is by his side, quietly asking him if he's okay, but he can't answer, all that comes out is choked out attempts to get words out.

His vision is starting to fade out, getting dark around the edges and slowly caving in as it gets harder to breathe, thoughts panicked and confused.

'Fuck, fuck, fuck, I can't breathe, what's going on- why isn't anybody helping me? Oh god, am I dying?'

"Jack, hey, it's okay, c'mere," A much deeper voice says, somewhat calming as the person leads him along and off the stage with Marzia; Felix, Wade, and Bob reassuring the worried crowd of fans that Jack is just fine.

"Jack, baby, it's gonna be okay, focus on my voice and breathing, okay? Can you do that for me?" Mark asks, practically cradling his boyfriend in his arms with the green-haired man facing him, hands cupping the sides of his face. "Look at me, look into my eyes, angel. Breathe with me."

And he does, stopping himself from glancing everywhere but the other YouTuber, and instead gazing into chocolate brown orbs that are nothing short of filled with worry and an odd sense of home and love.

It doesn't stop the harsh and stuttered breathing coming from the younger but it does help him realize that he's safe, he'll be okay as long as he has Mark.

"Short steps," The American's deep voice begins to sing quietly, pausing to place a kiss on the others cheek.

"Deep breaths," Another kiss, only to his forehead, a hand rising up to cup Jack's face and brushing away some of the fallen tears with a thumb as he continues to mellifluously sing. "Everything is alright."

"Chin up," He hooked a finger underneath the irishman's chin, pulling it up and forcing the other to look into his eyes instead of at his hands that gripped tightly at the hem of his own shirt and wrinkling it something awful.

"I can't go into the spotlight. He said, I'm sad, somehow without any words."

The tears still spilled from bright, blue eyes, bottom lip trembling as he looked into his boyfriend's own dark, brown eyes.

"I just stood there not knowing what I should do. When this world is no more- aw, Jack, baby, c'mon," Mark's singing abruptly cut off to comfort Jack once more, but the younger waved him off with a smile through his tears, now a blubbering and sniffling mess as he buried his face into the red-haired mans shoulder.

"Sean, what's wrong now? Did I do something wrong?" Mark inquired, voice calm yet laced with worry as he wrapped his arms tightly around Jack's shoulders to bring him into a bone crushing hug, Jack doing the same as he wrapped his arms around the older man's waist; gradually calming down and his breaths evening out.

"I-I just- why do ya stay with me? I'm such a burden to you all, especially to you, having to d-deal with me and my anxiety b-bullshit," Jack answered, cursing himself for not being able to get a single sentence out without stuttering.

'Such a fuck up, Jack. Can't even talk right,' His thoughts still screamed, his head feeling like it's about to split open from the intensity of it all.

"Jack, you are not, and I repeat, are not a burden. You can't help it that these things happen; it's not your fault. And as for me and the others, well, I'm happy to be able to help you through moments like this, and I know the others would too," Mark reassures him, running a hand through bright green hair and brushing it back, leaning in and placing a kiss to his forehead.

'He's lying, he only deals with me because he feels like he has to, not because he wants to.'

'This is why I always get hurt, I believe everything anyone close to me says. I'm absolutely pathetic.

 

"Jack?"

"Yeah, Mark?"

"You know I mean it, right? I'd do anything for you. I love you, Jack. You've got to know that." He says hopefully, not knowing if Jack had realized he had voiced all of those thoughts aloud. "I don't do it because I have to, I do it because I want to and I know you need me to."

Jack was obviously clueless to the fact he had spoken his thoughts aloud. 

"Thank you, Mark. And I love you. I don't know what I'd do without ya." Jack gave him a genuine smile this time, much more calmed compared to- whoa, has it really been an hour since he had his panic attack? He knew time usually flew by when he had his attacks, but this was ridiculous. "I'm sorry I ruined the panel, Mark. I didn't know I was going to-"

"It wasn't your fault. Besides, we were just wrapping up anyways. We can make a video tomorrow to let the fans know you're okay if you'd like?"

"Yeah, I'd like that. Thank you again, Mark."

"Anything for you, Angel," Mark murmured before leaning in and kissing Jack chastely, the tears long since dried on the smaller's cheeks and breathing evened completely out.

"Now," Mark began, unwrapping himself from the other to stand up, holding a hand out to help Jack up and not letting go of his hand as he spoke again. "Let's get back to the hotel. Sleep would be nice right about now. Sound good?"

Jack's only response was a yawn and leaning in further to the YouTuber with most of his weight.

"I'll take that as a yes," Mark chuckled, leading Jack out to their car, back to their hotel room, and into bed into each other's arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Before you go on, I'd like to add that yes, I am aware that having anxiety and/or panic attacks is different for everyone. Some people can be comforted by close friends, family, or others they can trust, whereas some people may react completely different towards someone trying to comfort them, if not worse. All people can react differently and I, for one, can only be comforted by talking to my best friend whether it's through texting her or talking to her irl. Anxiety and panic attacks are not fun, they aren't romantic, or anything of the sorts, they're scary and a pain in the ass to deal with when they come along. I didn't write this story to try and romanticize attacks, I just find comfort in my writing and decided it would be a good release to write this.
> 
> Lastly, if you know anyone that does have anxiety and/or panic attacks, please, before you even consider to touch them as a form of comfort, or to ask if they're okay, etc. don't touch them without explicit permission to do so from them in case it may cause their attack to grow worse. 
> 
>  
> 
> did you like it? did you hate it? did i make someone take their shirt off twice? let me know in the comments!
> 
> and, as always, thank you for reading :) xx


End file.
